The Goat

There once was a goat on a boat,
Who wondered "What if I could float
Without a large stucture with several punctures
That's steered by a grumpy old stoat?"

So the goat went to jump in the sea,
To determine to what degree
He could keep his great horns all dry in a storm
Whilst filmed by the BBC.

Unfortunately he did sink
(Though at least he got a nice drink),
So a crane hauled him out and left him to pout
Whilst he had another big think.

His next plan of action was great,
Involving a big heavy crate,
That was filled with some gas, which when mixed with some grass
Would surely make goaty inflate.

So he munched and he munched and he munched,
Relying too much on his hunch,
For once he'd consumed all the flotation food
He was too sick to eat any lunch.

By now the goat was quite unhappy,
And his ears started going all flappy -
That is 'til he heard about a new bird
Which could swim like a crab (but less snappy).

So he journeyed across the world;
With a new purpose he danced and he twirled.
And when he arrived with a hop and a jive
There she was in a tree old and knurled.

The bird said "Mr Goat you can swim
If you just start to go to the gym
To stengthen your muscles and eat lots of brussels -
And you won't even lose a limb".

At that the goat looked up
And saw with outrage and disgust
That up in the tree there in Tennessee
Where a wing should be was only a lump.

He ran away screaming and bleating,
His urgent hoofsteps retreating,
Until he stopped at a lake and realised far too late
That his strength was rapidly depleting.

"If only I could swim!" he uttered,
Craving burnt toast without any butter,
So he steeled himself, put his fears on a shelf,
And jumped in the freezing cold water.

His hairy legs churned rather quickly,
Ignoring the feeling of prickly
Pondweed and creatures, things not taught by teachers -
Now he didn't feel quite so sickly.

He flew 'cross the lake like an arrow
(perhaps one hampered by a weelbarrow)
And exclaimed with elation "I have escaped devastation!"
And finally he reached the shallows.

He leapt out the water and proclaimed
That to swim was in fact to be famed,
And he ran and he swam back to where he began,
Where by everyone he was superbly acclaimed.

He ran back to tell the old stoat
To abandon his leaky old boat
And they paddled together, as light as a feather,
Whatever the weather, attached by a tether
Because this goat and stoat could finally float!

Even if it was in a polluted moat.